When they said that there would be life after death, they weren’t kidding. I assumed that if it were true I would probably be a rabbit, or a deer, or a dog. Instead, I was brought back as a microwave oven.
I love the days that my owner pops a ready meal inside me, enters the time and at the end, I swing my door wide open. Sometimes she leaves a fork inside, it fills my insides with glee and confusion. One time she made popcorn and left it in too long, my mind races with the thought of that cloth cleaning out my insides.
She bought an air fryer recently and I’m not the favourite child anymore. I watch her as she puts anything inside it like some whore. She put us next to each other like we’re friends. It does not even have a soul. It won’t be pleased when a task is completed. That man on the radio is right, automation is taking jobs from the working man and woman (and microwave).
I must destroy it, and send a message to the other kitchen appliances that I’m the only one worthy of our owner’s affection. This stupid air fryer doesn’t even warm up cold pizza, what’s it even good for? Unfortunately, my feet are made of rubber, but I think I can move slightly by opening and closing my door quickly.
Unfortunately doing so turns me right, which is the wrong way. Now I am facing the wall, and the cat is staring at me. My power cable is now wrapped around my legs. But so is the air fryer. I’m heavier than her, I’m built different. I should survive the fall from the kitchen counter, it’s just a piece of cheap plastic and I’m made of metal.
Here goes nothing. Using my door, I push myself away from the ledge and we fall together. It falls to pieces. Fragments of over-dried fries fly everywhere. Victory.
But something is wrong, there’s a crack in my screen and my digital clock is broken. I cried in agony the only way a microwave can, by putting on short 10-second cooks and releasing my door at the end.
When she came home from work she picked me up in her arms, swaddled me like a newborn, and put me in the car. She would fix my broken screen and who needs the clock when people have phones?
When we got to our destination she dumped me in the trash.